I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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