yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
