I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
