i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
