Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
