they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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