Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
