Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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