i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
