Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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