i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He called his prostate his "boner button".
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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