No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
