I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
