i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
