Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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