Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
