I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Randomize
