Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
