I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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