I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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