Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
