I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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