you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
