I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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