He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
