i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
