the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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