Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
