you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
