White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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