i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
