Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
