it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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