you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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