I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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