I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
