No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
