Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
