So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
