How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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