you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize