Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
