I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
