You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
