no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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