she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
