We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
