Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
