I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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