he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
