Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
