at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
