I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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