What a fucking waste of an outfit
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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