Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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