haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
