turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
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