morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
