So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
