If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
it's like iHOP with fire
I stole a fireplace last night.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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