Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I can't put those talents on a resume
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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