idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
