the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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