you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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