She is in my trunk
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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