I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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