She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
