U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Dicks are not precious.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
