it's too hot outside to masturbate.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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