The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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