is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
