I heard we made out
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
