I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
