I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
