I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
