After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
