i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
