If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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