Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
