i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
