new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
