at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
