dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
