margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I seem to have left my pride at pride
In America we eat man semen.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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