Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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