Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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