New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Randomize
