I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
