Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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