Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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