I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
