so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
