my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
