I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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