i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
