Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
