Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
