i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
